“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them" -- Ralph Nichols
"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time". -- M. Scott Peck
In our quick paced society of juggling schedules, meeting deadlines and multitasking, we don't always allow ourselves to take time to listen to what's going on around us and, for that matter, to what we are being told. We don't always take the time to hear the whole story and we are quick to jump to solutions so we can move to the next task at hand.
Assess your listening skills by answering TRUE or FALSE to each of the 11 questions below: 1. Listening is a learned skill that requires an active engagement.
2. Hearing is an inactive skill affected by age, health, and interest.
3. We speak at 300 words per minute. We listen 4 times faster, at 1,000 - 1,200 words per minute. Therefore our minds frequently wander.
4. All communication is received, but 70 to 90% of the data is screened out or altered by the receiver.
5. Listening is perceived as a powerful skill by most people.
6. We were born with two ears and one mouth. Therefore, we should listen twice as much as we speak!
7. Cultural tendencies do not affect our listening skills.
8. Our brain often processes data forward (what do I say next? how do I defend myself? what shall I have for lunch?), or in reverse (did I turn the car lights off? did I get an e-mail back from...?).
9. We can suspend judgment when listening by focusing on comprehension rather than details.
10.Our ability to listen is not affected by meta-messages, the message within the message.
11. Confirming understanding / stating alignment does not imply that you agree with the message.
Now score yourself. (Only # 5 is False. All others are True).
How did you do? any surprises?
"You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time". -- M. Scott Peck
In our quick paced society of juggling schedules, meeting deadlines and multitasking, we don't always allow ourselves to take time to listen to what's going on around us and, for that matter, to what we are being told. We don't always take the time to hear the whole story and we are quick to jump to solutions so we can move to the next task at hand.
Assess your listening skills by answering TRUE or FALSE to each of the 11 questions below: 1. Listening is a learned skill that requires an active engagement.
2. Hearing is an inactive skill affected by age, health, and interest.
3. We speak at 300 words per minute. We listen 4 times faster, at 1,000 - 1,200 words per minute. Therefore our minds frequently wander.
4. All communication is received, but 70 to 90% of the data is screened out or altered by the receiver.
5. Listening is perceived as a powerful skill by most people.
6. We were born with two ears and one mouth. Therefore, we should listen twice as much as we speak!
7. Cultural tendencies do not affect our listening skills.
8. Our brain often processes data forward (what do I say next? how do I defend myself? what shall I have for lunch?), or in reverse (did I turn the car lights off? did I get an e-mail back from...?).
9. We can suspend judgment when listening by focusing on comprehension rather than details.
10.Our ability to listen is not affected by meta-messages, the message within the message.
11. Confirming understanding / stating alignment does not imply that you agree with the message.
Now score yourself. (Only # 5 is False. All others are True).
How did you do? any surprises?
- If 10 - 11 correct -- well done!
- If 8 - 9 correct -- you're on track; keep working at it
- If less than 7 correct -- revisit the tips below regularly and request frequent feedback
Listening tips:
- Don't suggest words or finish sentences when a pause occurs
- Listen, don't solve or judge
- Ask probing questions to obtain clarity
- Be aware of when "selective" listening is likely to occur (age, skill, gender, relative, etc)
- If the time is an issue let the person know and schedule more time, or ask "let's summarize what we've decided"
- Let the person know if more facts are required prior to decision making of for further discussions
- Be aware of your "non" listening behaviors ex. pencil tapping, raised eyebrows, blank stares, "zoning" out; try to avoid them
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